They said they’d inform the selected applicants by Friday. It was Friday, 11:59 pm.
I checked my email a hundred times. With each click of the ‘refresh’ button, a new wave of hope meandered through my whole body, like a river flowing into branches of different streams. And when I saw that there was no new mail, that hope I felt came crashing down with the velocity of a waterfall and when it crashed, the hope renewed itself and kept flowing. Again, I’d press ‘refresh’ hoping for the notification of ‘one new mail’.
There was none. I had failed, yet again.
I was no stranger to all forms of rejection; I had become used to it. With each rejection, I browsed the internet for motivational quotes. I used them to fuel my dwindling determination, I’d copy and paste them in Microsoft word, and then I’d increase the font, from 12, to 48, then reduce it to 36 and print them out. I’d rush to the stationery store on Allen avenue and buy some tape, and then I’d stick them in different angles of my room; on the door, next to the mirror, in front of my study desk, on the ceiling ; right above my head when I laid in bed. I’d read biographies of successful people who had failed numerous times and had picked themselves up and tried again.
Then I’d randomly stumble on people who struck gold on their very first visit to a mine, and it undermined all the copy and pasting that I did.
I’d sit, asking myself, if I was chasing success away from myself, if I was doing something wrong. Then I’d start sinking and a mental fatigue would overwhelm me. I’d force the tears back into my eyes, and cover my head with my blanket. Then I’d look up.
‘The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams’ – Eleanor Roosevelt.
Then I’d get off my bed and try again.
Kálésánmí 